I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
