You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
