I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
