we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
