My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
