Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
