OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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