If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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