I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
