You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
