I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
