You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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