What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
