I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
