No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
