how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
