my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
