Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
