one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you made out with another girl for some wings
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
