I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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