Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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