I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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