im about as happy as oj after his trial
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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