So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
