I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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