sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
