Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
