You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
