your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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