you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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