Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
