The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
