8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
