I got chris browned last night
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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