so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
