At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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