Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
