separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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