Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
