She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if only i could text you this smell
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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