I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
