Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize