she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
