Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
worst night to have a conscience
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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