am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
