I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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