Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
