If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
