I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
