I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
