better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
