fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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