she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
