I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize