Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
