We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
