i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
