just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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