You can't special order awesome
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
