I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
