Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
