It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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