...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
