I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
