We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
