I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize