he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
