Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
