6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
