Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She bit a glass in half.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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