was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize