Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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