Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
