Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
