I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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