Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
