I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
