Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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