We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
