The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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