I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
