i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
