You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
