Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
