I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
