im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
