Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
