If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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