sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
