If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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