Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you would pick up someone in the library
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
