...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
