I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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