the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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