I want to make a zoo with you.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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