"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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