Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize